


fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 3

by primreceded



Category: Supernatural RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-14
Updated: 2010-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-15 23:02:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/532741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primreceded/pseuds/primreceded





	fic: Maybe In The Future - Part 3

The flight to LA isn’t as long as he had expected it to be, as long as he remembered it was, and he lands with no problem. There is no one waiting for him when he gets away from luggage claim, but that’s his own fault for not saying anything. As much as he hates Hollywood traffic, he hates it even more in the backseat of a taxi and at someone elses mercy. He’d rather brave the dangers on his own terms. He’ll have to get a rental if he’s going to be sticking around.

The hotel he’s staying in isn’t far from the studio where he’s auditioning, which is nice. He checks in with no problems and declines the bellhop who offers to take his bag. He’s only got a rollaway and a large duffel, bringing only a few essentials and something nice to wear for the audition. He figures most of what he needs he can always head out and buy more of if he has to. Most of the time he’ll be in costume for the character, anyway. If he even gets the part, that is.

The suite he’s in is nice, far more spacious than one person will ever need. After he deposits his bags onto the bed he toes off his shoes and slips onto the couch to relax. The audition is tomorrow and he’s not planning on doing anything until then but vegging out on the couch and going over the script some more. He doesn’t want to call Jared just yet, decided to wait and see if he got the part before telling him he’s in the area.

It doesn’t stop him from getting a little bit excited at the idea of seeing him again, though, and there on the couch the jetlag takes him under, remembering the feel of Jared’s lips on his.

 

He wakes in the morning before the sun has fully had the chance to rise, still a little groggy from the plane but after a cup of coffee he’ll be back to normal. After a quick shower and a shave he orders himself some breakfast and while he waits for it to be brought up he checks his phone. There are no texts but there’s a voicemail from Laurel making sure he’s in town and threatening to kick his ass if he isn’t.

Once breakfast comes he sits and eats, flicks through the channels on the television for background noise and when the meal is over he pushes the cart out into the hallway. He goes over the script a few more times, even though he doesn’t really need to; he’s been over the thing backwards and forwards since it had been faxed to him. He knows his lines by heart, and most of the other lines, too, and he’s not worried about nailing that. He still hasn’t figured out what his character’s motivations are, what he’s supposed to be feeling and he hopes they give him some type of cue when he gets there.

He’s not as nervous as he probably should be. It’s not his first time in the pool but it is his first shot back and there’s a lot riding on this one audition. There will be others, he’s sure, but he just does not want to bomb this one. He has a good feeling about it, anyway.

He checks his phone as the morning wears on, makes sure it’s on and the battery is fully charged after the first three times and there’s nothing there. He pushes the disappointment to the back of his mind, and, once he calls Laurel and tells her he’s on his way he shuts the phone off completely. He’s acting like a clingy asshole and he can’t afford to be distracted.

He grabs a taxi outside of the hotel and gives the driver directions to the studio. He’s probably still got a big enough name that he could have had someone hire a car, but that’s never really been his thing, anyway, he’s never wanted to be some big Hollywood jackass who couldn’t even hold his own dick when he needed to pee. If he’d had his car he would have driven himself.

It only takes about five minutes to get to the studio and he thanks the driver after he pays and then gets out. The main building is a cold stone on the outside but the interior is decorated in deep woods and stone, walls covered in television and movie posters and it all gives off a warm, inviting, hey we want you to work for us! feeling. The receptionist behind the large circular desk in the middle of the foyer takes his name and points him in the right direction.

He takes a deep breath, wipes his now sweaty palms on his slacks and pushes the heavy wooden door open in front of him. He’s good, he can do this. He’s going to _kick it in the ass_. He’s going to throw up.

 

\---

“Jensen!”

Laurel’s cheery when her secretary puts her through and Jensen smiles in spite of himself. She’s not as harried as she had been, and that hopefully means she won’t threaten him with bodily harm during this phone call even if he maybe has not so good news.

“Hey, how’s it goin’?”

“I could ask you the same thing,” she says and Jensen sighs. He’s back at his hotel room, lying on his back on the couch in the dark feeling sorry for himself.

“Oh you know, s’going pretty good. Not quite used to the California air, but--”

“Cut the shit, Jensen. We both know why I called and it’s not because I give a rats ass about how you’re feeling. How do you think the audition went?”

And that’s the million dollar question, because he really has no idea. He didn’t flub his lines and he hit all of his marks, and if he does say so himself he was pretty damn charming when he needed to be. He just doesn’t think there was anything there. No spark, no immediate connection with the character or anyone else in the room. It was boring and he was bored.

“I think it went pretty well,” he lies and figures she can tell if the snort she gives into the receiver is anything to go by.

“You’re not doing either of us any favors by lying, Jensen.”

“I’m not lying,” he says, not even sounding convincing to himself.

“Ackles,” her tone is warning and Jensen sighs in resignation.

“It really did go fine,” he tells her. “It’s just that, well, the character is lame as hell.”

It’s Laure’s turn to sigh, but it’s not angry or frustrated, it might actually be sympathy that he hears. Huh.

“You’re not Dean Winchester anymore, Jensen, and you‘re not going to find him again. You need to realize that now so you’re not always searching for the impossible.”

And he has to admit that she has a point. But is it too much to hope that there’s another role out there that’s as challenging as Dean? Or is at least mildly interesting?

“The producers were impressed, Ackles,” she tells him and he has to admit he’s surprised. He thought for sure he blew it. “The part is yours if you want it, and if ever you listen to me now would be the time - you want it.”

It’s a means to an end, he reminds himself, and there’s no hesitation when he answers her and says yes, he’ll take the part.

“I knew you weren’t a complete idiot,” Laurel says. “Stop by the office later and we’ll get everything sorted.”

They say goodbye and when she hangs up he lets out a tiny whoop of joy to the empty room. It echoes back to him as he gets up off the couch and slips into his shoes.

 

There’s a congratulatory cigar in his pocket from Laurel. He’d tossed her a weird look when she handed it to him, and she’d just shrugged and gave him a light pat on the back. After getting everything squared away with her and a brand new job clutched in his hands he has the taxi driver take him to the nearest car rental. He’s probably only going to be in California for a few days but having to be ferried around, and paying for fare, isn’t high on his list.

He takes out his cell and shoots Jared a text message as he idles in the LA traffic. He wants to know if Jared’s home, but he’s more than willing to wait in the driveway until Jared gets there if he‘s not, having left his copy of the house key back in Miami. But he doesn’t mind, which is a good thing since it looks like it’s going to be door number two when Jared doesn’t reply.

But fifteen minutes later he punches in the security code and pulls past the gates into Jared’s driveway and grins at the sight of Jared’s SUV parked in front of the garage. He throws the car into park and shuts off the engine before climbing from the driver’s seat.

He knocks twice on the door before ringing the bell, a habit he’s always had when calling on Jared at home and he stands on the porch to wait. Footsteps fall on the other side of the door and then it’s being wrenched open.

“Surpri-- ise?”

That is most definitely not Jared standing in front of him and he swallows hard, resolutely does not jump to any conclusions. The woman in front of him is small and dark haired and it will never be said that Jared does not have a type, and that thought sparks something crazy in his belly. She grins up at him all bright eyes and white, perfect teeth.

“Um,” he wipes his hand nervously on his jeans and peers around the girl into the hallway of Jared’s house. Somewhere inside he can hear the click-click of the dogs toenails but there aren’t any other noises. The girl stares up at him, waiting, and he swallows thickly, feeling like he’s intruding on something he has no right to be in the middle of. It kind of makes him a little bit angry.

“Jared home?”

If it’s possible her grin gets wider and she waves him into the house with a happy “sure!” and after he steps over the threshold she closes the door behind him and leads him down the hallway. The dogs spot him before Jared does and they come barreling towards him, nearly knocking him on his ass but he catches himself, buries his hands in their fur as he drops to his knees to let them get their fill. It’s been less than a week and he can’t believe how much he’s missed their slobbery asses.

“Jensen?”

Jensen looks up to grin at Jared, gets a mouth full of Harley tongue for his efforts but he just pushes the dog away with a laugh and wipes his face off with the sleeve of his jacket.

“Hey, Jared,” he says and climbs to his feet. It’s Jared’s turn to barrel into him and Jensen just clings to the back of the other man’s t-shirt, letting him have his fill. _This_ he’s missed more than anything, being wrapped completely up in this person, and he buries his face in Jared’s neck and breathes deep.

“What are you doing here?” Jared asks and pulls back to offer Jensen a blinding grin, dimples out in full force.

“Long story,” Jensen says with a shrug. He remembers that someone else answered the door and looks over to find her leaning against the couch, jacket folded over her arms and smiling at them. Jared notices where he’s looking and Jensen sees a look pass over his eyes but it’s gone before he can put a name to it and then Jared is striding across his living room to usher the girl over to Jensen.

“Jensen, this is Reagan, Shay’s partner,” Jared looks at her and grins. “We’re just hangin’ out, getting to know each other.”

Jensen reaches out a hand, ‘cause while he might not like the idea of them _hangin’ out and getting to know each other_ his momma still raised him right. Her grip is sure in his when she takes it and shakes, tells him it’s nice to meet him. If he didn’t hate her sight on-scene he might have been impressed by it. They chat for a moment, about her role and how she loved the two of them on Supernatural and can‘t believe she‘s standing in front of Sam and Dean Winchester. Jensen thanks her even though he’d really rather roll his eyes at her.

“I should get going,” she tells them. “It was nice to meet you Jensen. Jared, I’ll see you on set.” Jared pulls her into a quick hug and she pats the dogs on their heads before giving Jensen a little wave and seeing herself out.

Jared turns into the living room and starts clearing up the debris from what Jensen assumes is his and Reagan’s dinner. He takes the mess into the kitchen as Jensen makes himself at home on the couch, the dogs immediately curling up at his feet. He can hear the dishwasher start and then Jared is coming back in to sit next to him. He leans forward and gives Jensen a quick kiss before lying back and placing his legs in Jensen’s lap. Jensen’s hand immediately falls to rest along Jared’s ankles, fingers tracing idly at the flesh beneath the denim of Jared’s pants.

“So to what do I owe this pleasure, babe?” Jared asks and Jensen smiles at the nickname. They’re not a pet-name couple but Jensen maybe likes it a little. Which he’ll never admit. Ever.

“Well, I got a job,” he tells him and Jared sits up, pulling his legs off of Jensen’s lap and Jensen frowns at the loss.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I mean it’s nothing spectacular, I’m not going to be some big movie star,” he grins at Jared, who ducks his head and blushes. “Just a guest on one of those crime show spin offs, but it’s something. After my little hiatus and dropping Laurel I’m lucky to have gotten anything.

“I thought it was time to get back into the swing of things you know? And with you out of the house I didn’t want to be bored. I hadn’t expected anything to pop up so soon, but, here I am.”

Jared smiles and pulls him into a sideways hug that hurts Jensen’s back but he goes with it anyway, grunting a laugh under the strain and awkward.

“That’s awesome, Jense! I’m happy for you.” Jared kisses him, a wet smack on the cheek and Jensen laughs again, pushes him away.

“Thanks, man. I mean the character is boring as hell and once editing is done I’ll probably be on screen for a total of five minutes, but it’s a job.”

“You’ll be fighting offers off with a stick before you know it, dude. You know you’re awesome,” Jared says.

“Yeah, I know.”

Jared barks a laugh and punches him in the shoulder before plopping back down on the couch again, placing his feet once again on Jensen’s lap.

“How long are you in town for?”

“A week, maybe two. They’re still working on the episode before mine so they won’t need me for another day or so.”

“You’re staying here, you know that right?” He holds up a hand and shakes his head when Jensen starts to protest, “No arguments.”

Jensen ducks his head and rubs his hand against the back of his neck. He didn’t come here so that Jared would feel obligated to ask him to stay, he just wanted to see his boyfriend. He’s probably being silly, he knows Jared wouldn’t ask him to stay if he didn’t actually want him there, but it still feels like he’s imposing. It’s weird and he doesn’t like it but he pushes the thoughts away as best as he can.

He makes a noise of protest when Jared swings his legs off again and stands up.

“We should celebrate,” Jared says.

“There’s not really much to celebrate, Jay,” Jensen tells him but he’s grinning anyway. Jared makes a disapproving noise and then heads to his wine fridge to take out a bottle and a couple of glasses.

“Bullshit,” he says coming back into the living room. “You’re getting back out there, and you’re going to blow them all out of the water. Remind them all just who Jensen fucking Ackles really is.”

He pops the cork on the bottle and fills the glasses up with the amber liquid. And Jensen thinks maybe he can do that, show them all what he can do. It’s been awhile since he’s known himself but he’s pretty sure he’s back on the right path after all this time and he kind of can’t wait to get back into the ring.

He accepts he glass Jared hands him then clinks it against Jared’s when he tilts his own towards him and takes a sip. It’s a good bottle and he lets the taste linger in his mouth, glad that he got Jared into wine and never more proud of his ability to pick the perfect flavor. He should probably be more worried that he’s turned Jared into a lush, but with the wine sitting on his tongue he doesn’t really care at the moment.

They continue to chat, Jensen trying to explain just what it is about his character that he doesn’t like and Jared waxes about his co-workers and directors and the key grips and Jensen shakes his head at the other man and how he can easily make friends where ever he goes. Jensen has no doubt that Jared’s got everyone eating out of his hand already, even though they’ve not been on the set for a full day yet.

Jensen wants to tell him about the plan that he has, the decision that he’s made but it’s not the time. He has to bite his tongue to keep the words from spilling out of his alcohol loosened mouth but he knows that he has to make sure that everything is perfect before he does it. He can’t have anything going wrong, there’s still a lot that needs to be done and he’s still got a long way to go but he’ll get there eventually. He’s gotta make sure that no matter what Jared gets there with him.

The sky has darkened to a navy blue by the time they finish off the wine, finally all talked out and just hanging out on the overstuffed couch and enjoying each other’s company. Jensen finds that he misses Miami only slightly here in Jared’s living room. Back at the hotel there had always been the lingering homesickness that he couldn’t shake, even though he loves California and had for a long time while living in Vancouver considered it home. He supposes it has more to do with the company he’s keeping than it does where he is, though.

Jensen’s nearly falling asleep, the calming motion of Jared’s fingers combing through his hair lulls him. They’re both horizontal now, squished together on the couch that’s way too small for them, but they make it work because that’s what they do.

“Hm,” Jared hums against the side of his neck, breath tickling his skin. “Want to go to bed?”

It’s a simple question but it sparks something in Jensen’s belly and he’s suddenly very, very awake. He mumbles an agreement and Jared gets up first, pulls Jensen to his feet and Jensen holds onto his hand as Jared goes through his house, shutting off the lights and television, making sure the doors are locked.

When the tasks are finished Jared leads him upstairs to his bedroom. Jensen’s only been in Jared’s L.A. house a few times since he bought it, but he likes it well enough. It’s nothing at all like the old house in Vancouver, smaller for one, but it’s still nice. Other than the gate out front and the giant ass swimming pool in the backyard, it doesn’t exactly scream Hollywood. It’s very Jared, and it has Jensen once again thinking about a house in Miami, what kind of personal touches Jared would add to it to make it his. To make it _theirs_.

Jared kicks the door shut behind them when they get into his bedroom to keep the dogs out and then he’s walking Jensen backwards towards the bed. His knees hit the mattress and he sits, leans back on his elbows and watches as Jared starts to strip out of his clothes. It’s not a hardship, all lean muscle and tan skin bared for him. Jared’s a beautiful guy, despite Jared’s misgivings and self-conscious doubt about his body.

He reaches up to rub his hand up Jared’s chest when he starts unbuckling his pants and it rests along his shoulder, fingers digging into the flesh there to pull Jared closer. He comes willingly and Jensen kisses him while Jared struggles with the zipper on his jeans. Jared breaks away to kick off his jeans and they get tangled at his feet. He falls forward onto the bed and kicks them off while Jensen laughs at him.

“Shut up,” Jared mumbles, finally free and crawling up to the head of the bed behind Jensen. “Why are you still dressed?”

“I figured I’d just enjoy the show,” Jensen tells him. He turns to kneel on the bed, facing Jared, eyes darkening and the smile slipping from his lips as he watches Jared take himself in hand to fist his cock. He licks his lips, eyes zeroing in on the movement and while the idea of watching Jared jack himself until he comes all over his chest is pretty damn appealing, he kind of likes the idea of getting it inside him even better. Jared smirks at him knowingly when he climbs off the bed and starts tearing at his clothes.

He climbs back onto the bed and Jared easily spreads his legs to make room for him. Jensen fits himself in nicely, pushes Jared’s hand out of the way and replaces it with his own. Jared bucks his hips to meet Jensen’s fist and groans in the back of his throat.

Jensen sets a quick, hard pace and Jared fists his hands into the sheets, meeting Jensen’s every thrust with a buck of his hips. It’s going to be over too soon, Jensen can tell Jared’s right on the edge and he doesn’t want Jared to come until he’s inside Jensen.

Jared protests when Jensen lets go of his cock but gets right back on board when he sees Jensen reaching for the bedside drawer where he keeps the lube. He makes quick work of the cap and slicks up two fingers before rising up on his knees and reaching behind himself. Jared groans and reaches up to help hold his cheeks apart and Jensen inserts two fingers at once, scissoring to stretch and his head drops forward to his chest at the burn.

When he finally sinks onto Jared’s cock, he doesn’t think it’ll ever stop being amazing.

\---

Jensen still remembers how he felt after meeting Jared for the first time. He’d gone home actually feeling _giddy_ because here was this kid, this still wet behind the ears kid, who blew him right out of the fucking water without even trying. Everything about their joint audition was perfect from start to finish and there wasn’t a soul in that room who could have denied the chemistry between them. Jensen was actually sad when Kripke called an end to it and he had to leave. He could have sat there all day and just _acted_ and he didn’t even care anymore that this no-name was stealing his character right out from under him.

“Can we maybe change the subject now?” Steve asks him from the other side of the table.

Jensen stops mid-sentence and frowns over at him. “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been talking about Jared Padwhatever for the last hour, Jensen. We get it, you think he’s awesome, let’s move on.”

Jensen blushes hotly and sits back in his chair, grabbing his beer to take a large sip. And okay, so maybe he’s been babbling on about Jared more than he should have been, but it’s not every day you run into another actor who you click with so well creatively, that’s all. And anyway, Jensen’s really excited about his new job, why shouldn’t he talk about it?

“Blow me,” he mumbles and does not pout. At all.

“Aw, come on guys, knock it off,” Jason says, coming up behind Jensen. He reaches up to ruffle Jensen’s hair and he ducks, swats Jason’s hand away. He just laughs and sits down, ignoring Jensen’s glare. “Our Jenny’s got a crush, it’s no big deal. She’ll get it out of her system and go back to normal soon enough.”

“You guys suck,” he tells them, embarrassment coloring his features and making him feel uncomfortable.

The rest of his friends all laugh and he flips them off as he stands to fish a twenty out of his wallet, ignoring their shouts for him to come back as he leaves the bar.

Whatever, he doesn’t have a crush on Jared. Maybe he’s a little bit in awe of the kid, but that’s only because he’s so good at his job and he’s looking forward to being able to act off him. He can already tell they’re going to be amazing together.

It’s not like he can’t stop talking about Jared, or thinking about him. He can if he wants to. And so what if he gets excited at the idea of being around him again, even after only an hour in his presence? And okay yeah, Jensen may have noticed how pretty his eyes were but that’s only because he’d been staring into them for the better part of the audition. And if he takes stock of his ridiculously long legs and all the things they might be able to do and _wrap around_ it’s only because Jared towers over him by about fifteen feet.

It’s no big deal.

Really.

Jensen is so royally screwed.

\---

“I hate acting,”

“No you don’t.”

“Fine. I hate acting like I don’t want to sleep longer.”

Jared just chuckles again, the chipper bastard, before planting a smacking kiss to Jensen’s forehead and bounding off the bed. He takes the blankets with him, and Jensen’s immediately freezing.

“ _Ass_ ,” he hisses but Jared doesn’t care, grins.

“Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it? Come on, go take a shower and I’ll make you some coffee.”

Jared turns to leave the room and Jensen stretches, joints popping as his toes curl into the sheets. It’s his fourth day in L.A., third in Jared’s house, having gone back to the hotel to get his things when Jared insisted. A Jared with his mind set on something is not a Jared you want to argue with, so Jensen had hopped back into his rental car with Jared and the dogs slobbering all over the backseat and grabbed his things. His was only a token protest, anyway.

Today will be his second day of shooting, and he’s pretty sure it’s going well. Everyone on set is friendly and welcoming and tell Jensen how impressed they are with his work, which is nice to hear even if he’s not sure he believes them. He still hasn’t quite grasped the character, but he’s putting his all into it and playing him how he thinks the guy should be portrayed, and it must be working.

It’s not _Supernatural_ , but then nothing ever will be.

He climbs from the bed before grabbing some clothes and hopping into the shower. He can smell breakfast cooking when he gets out, Jared’s off-key whistling and murmuring to the dogs making its way up the stairs. After he’s dressed he bounds down the stairs to Jared plating up eggs and bacon.

He gives the dogs a couple of good morning pats before sliding into a chair and grinning up at Jared when he sets a plate in front of him.

“Looks good,” he says and Jared thanks him before taking his own seat.

They eat in mostly silence, with the occasional grunts of pleasure over the food. It’s only eggs in this instance but Jared’s really come a long way on the cooking front. Jensen slips the dogs bacon under the table and Jared mock glares at him.

“Keep it up and I’ll give Sadie eggs,” Jared teases and Jensen drops the bacon back into his plate like it burns him.

“That’s not fair,” he whines. “You know it gives her gas. One toxic bomb around here is enough.”

Jared laughs and nearly chokes on his eggs when Jensen pouts into his plate, the corner of his lips tipping up into a smile.

They finish their breakfast and then Jensen has to get to set. Jared kisses him goodbye when he walks him to the door and tells him he’ll see him later, and it’s all very domestic and cavity inducing and Jensen really kind of loves it.

He’s only got two scenes today but then he’s got dubbing to do for the running shots they did yesterday so it’s still a full day even if he’s not got much to do. Both of his scenes are pretty far apart, and they won’t be ready for him in the sound booth until late so it’s a lot of waiting around and doing nothing. Which he doesn’t particularly have a problem with.

By the time he finally gets to leave it’s nearly eight and he drives back to the house, starving and wondering if Jared would be up for dinner out. But Jared’s not home when he gets there, the dogs greeting him at the door in their usual overexcited way and he gets on his knees to give them thorough petting before letting them out the back door to go do their business.

He heads to get a beer from the fridge and finds a note from Jared stuck to it with a smiley face magnet.

_Out with Reagan, back soon - J_

Jensen takes it from the fridge and wads it up in his hand before tossing it into the garbage. He doesn’t remember Jared mentioning anything about going out tonight so it must have been something that had popped up during the day while he was at work. Which, it’s fine. Jared’s allowed to have friends. It just would have been nice to know he would be coming home to an empty house.

He pushes those thoughts from his head before going to sit on the back patio with the dogs for a little while, nursing his beer. The sky is darkening to an indigo and the stars are popping out as much as they can here in the land of dreams. Harley and Sadie chase each other around the yard and Jensen laughs at Sadie trying to catch Harley’s tail. They take notice of him then and run over to get some love.

When they’ve finished he ushers them inside and fills up their bowls with water and food before grabbing something to nuke in the microwave. Ordering in would be too much and he sure as hell doesn’t feel like cooking for one, so a Hungry Man it is.

Jared still hasn’t come in by the time he’s finished eating or when he crawls beneath the sheets, and he falls asleep in an empty bed to the sound of the crickets chirping in the backyard.

Jared is there the next morning when he wakes up though, standing in the kitchen in sweat pants and nothing else, gulping down a bottle of water. He must have just gotten back from his run and Jensen doesn’t have any recollection of him having come in the night before. Jared doesn’t offer any information and Jensen doesn’t ask any questions, just puts it out of his head because he has to. There’s no fight there and he’s not about to make it into one, or become some clingy boyfriend who needs to know where his man is every second of the day. They’re not like that, they never were like that and he’ll be damned if he’s the one who turns them _into that_.

Jensen just kisses him good morning and grabs a bowl from the cupboard for his cereal and listens to Jared chatter on about the shooting schedule that day for the movie and some crazy ass thing Chad did and how the new neighbors really need to stop parking in front of his driveway like it’s theirs because he can’t get out. It’s one topic into the next except the proverbial elephant into the room and then Jared is bounding upstairs for a shower to get his day started.

Jensen has the day off while Jared’s at work and he spends it driving around L.A. He stops at a couple of shops and picks up some t-shirts before calling Jason up for lunch. He hasn’t seen the other man in a long time and hanging out is long overdue. After they eat he promises that they’ll have to get the gang back together for old times sake but Jensen knows that’s probably not going to happen. Those party days are behind him, he can’t drink like a fish anymore and the idea of staying up all night stopped being appealing to him a long time ago. None of them are as young as they used to be.

The rest of the week flies by in a blur of work and Jared and before he knows it his sting on Law & Order is over. The cast congratulates him on a job well done and he accepts it, accepts the praises, while offering his own. Laurel calls him when he gets back to Jared’s and tells him that the producers were impressed with him and if he keeps his fingers crossed they may actually write him into a few more episodes. Jensen’s not so sure he wants that, and he tells her as much. She hangs up on him.

As much as he would like to stay he’s got to get back to Miami. There are things he needs to take care of, groveling he needs to do and things he needs to tell Laurel that’s much better to do over the phone than in person where she can throw things at him. He packs his backs and says goodbye to the dogs, promising to see them again soon and then he piles his suitcase into Jared’s car and hops into the driver’s side of the rental.

Jared follows him to the rental agency and then they drive together to the airport in his SUV, their fingers laced together on the center panel. They make a quick goodbye, a deep hug that’s he best Jensen can hope for and he watches Jared leave until he can’t see him anymore and then turns around to get into the line for security.

He feels like he’s in a whirlwind, that everything is going by so fast and he’s exhausted when he gets back to Miami. There’s no one to greet him when he opens the door to the apartment and it hurts. He doesn’t have time to be bothered, though. He unpacks his bag and then shoots Jared a text to let him know his plane landed safely and then he’s booting up his laptop. He’s got work to do.

In the morning the first thing he does is call Laurel. He’s never heard more colorful swearing in his life, and he’s spent the last six and a half years with Jared.

“Are you out of your goddamn mind?”

“Um. No?”

“You have to be, either that or you’re trying to kill me,” she sighs heavily and goes quiet and Jensen would think she’d hung up on him again if it weren’t for the random mumbled curses.

“I know this isn’t going to be easy,” he says and ignores her when she snorts a laugh. “But I really want this, and you’re the best, Laurel. Your whole goddamn company is the best and I wouldn’t have come to you if I didn’t think that you could do this for me.”

“You’re damn right I’m the best,” she says and he can tell by the tone of her voice that he’s wearing her down.

“And think of it this way, if I become some hotshot director, you’ll get a higher percentage.”

And Jensen knows that cinches it when she sighs again and starts clacking away at her computer. He grins at how easy she is to sway.

“I’m not guaranteeing anything. There are people out there waiting in the sidelines who are far more experienced and talented and better than you at pretty much everything.”

“Um.”

“But, you might get lucky. It’s definitely not going to be as easy as getting you a guest spot on some lame ass television show.”

“Okay?”

“Look, Jensen, you’re a good guy. I want you to succeed because when you get work, I get paid. But you’re also a good person and you deserve success. Just don’t set your sights too high, not right away.”

He nods into the phone, not that she can see him, but he knows. He’s not expecting to be handed a blockbuster, or even a movie at all. He’s pretty much starting at ground zero here and he knows he’s going to have to work his way back to the top and that it’s not going to be a cakewalk. And he loves acting, he’ll do it for the rest of his life if they’ll still have him and if he can’t make this work. But this is what he _wants_ and he’ll do what he has to in order to get it.

“I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, whatever. Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

And now is as good a time as any, he supposes, but he’s not entirely sure how to phrase it. Big, huge, life changing step that it is. He’s not quite ready to take the leap completely; there are still things he needs to do, people he still needs to talk to, but he wants her to know so that she can prepare for it, so that he can actually get it out there in the open, have it hang there between them until he’s ready to grab hold of it and let the world see. He swallows thickly and hopes this doesn’t undo everything he just went through.

“I want to come out,” he says. Matter of fact. Final.

“Why don’t you just rip into my chest and tear my heart out, Jensen?”

\---

Jensen hears from Jared less and less as the weeks wear on. He understands. He’s made movies before, they both have, he knows the amount of time and work that goes into them. There are periods of time, days, when he doesn’t hear anything at all. He sends text messages and they go unanswered, Jared leaves voicemails when it’s ass o’clock in the morning and Jensen is sound asleep. It’s a repeat of last summer when Jensen was hiding in his mother’s house in Texas and Jared was working. But they were just friends then, and the silence wasn’t so deafening and the loss wasn’t so great. But he _knows_.

Laurel calls him or sends him emails to keep him updated, promises him that she’s working as hard as she can to get him something and he’s patient, he can wait as long as it takes. She finds him some voice over work to fill the time with, though, and he’s grateful for that. Some new cartoon for Nickelodeon, and he doesn’t have to leave Florida to do it, just drives to Universal Studios to a soundstage there and sits in a tiny little sound booth for four hours a day. It’s cool, a paycheck is a paycheck after all. Plus, he gets to play a pirate.

Spring melts into summer and with it comes an unbearable heat. He hasn’t talked to Jared in over a week, absolute radio silence, and he finds that it doesn’t bother him as much as it probably should. But then he supposes maybe the honeymoon period is over, it was bound to happen sooner or later. He’s still determined to make it work, but it’s difficult when he’s the only one seemingly willing to try.

He sees Chris and Steve twice during the month of June. They come down and play a couple of gigs and crash in his guest room. It’s nice to have the company, and it’s great to see them again. But they play too loud and drink too much (get him drunk too much) and, really, stay too long. He’s not really sad to see them go, which makes him feel a little bit ashamed.

Jensen loses his mind one day and adopts a cat. It’s the ugliest thing he’s ever seen in his life, a Tortie the guy at the adoption fair had called it.

“Rare because it’s a dude,” he’d said. With its brown and black and white fur, a strip of pinkish tan going from the middle of its forehead down to the tip of its nose. He names it Squirt and buys it all kinds of ridiculous shit that it probably doesn’t need, including a self-cleaning litter box, a bed that it never actually sleeps in (it prefers Jensen’s head) and gourmet food that costs more than any animal is actually worth. It keeps him company, though, and he might actually love the little bastard.

Jared calls him the second week of July to tell him the movie’s wrapped and he gets a few weeks off before promotion starts. Jensen scrubs the apartment from top to bottom, changes his sheets, and gets rid of the pile of pizza boxes and the soda can fort he’d started to build in the corner of the kitchen (he had a lot of time on his hands, shut up).

It’s only when the dogs are barreling into the house two days later that he remembers that he owns a cat. They catch it’s scent almost right away and chase him underneath the china cabinet in the hallway.

“Do we have mice or something?” Jared asks, kicking his shoes off. Jensen shoos the dogs away from the cabinet and locks them into the kitchen. He hates doing that but he’s got to make sure the cat’s okay. It’s his house too now, after all.

“Nah, man,” Jensen says, getting on his hands and knees to peer under the cabinet and try to coax the cat from beneath it. “I adopted a cat.”

“What?” Jared laughs and gets onto the floor next to him. Squirt’s eyes glow green at them from the dark. “Why?”

“Was lonely,” Jensen says with a shrug. It’s more honest than he wanted to be, but what the hell? It’s the truth. He can feel Jared’s gaze heavy on him as he continues to watch the cat.

“I leave you alone for a couple of months and you turn into a cat lady,” Jared says a moment later trying to lighten the mood and Jensen smiles, just a little. Jared reaches beneath the cabinet and Jensen can hear Squirt trying to scramble away but it’s useless because Jared’s got a fucking eighty foot wingspan. He’s got the cat by the scruff when he pulls him from beneath the cabinet, a scratched arm for his efforts, and then he’s holding him cradled to his chest, making soothing noises.

The dogs are whining in the kitchen, trying to get past the gate and to the ball of fur taking their masters’ attention away from them. Jared reprimands them and they quiet down, watching with reproachful eyes through the slats of the baby gate.

“He’s cute,” Jared says, scratching the now purring animal behind the ears, and of course Jared would be the one to think that thing was pleasant to look at.

“Not really,” Jensen whispers. Jared looks up at him and smiles and Jensen swallows deeply. “Welcome home,” he tells him.

Jared grins.

 

“So,” Jared says, a half an hour later when everyone has calmed down from being introduced to each other. He and Jared are sitting on the sofa, coffee forgotten on the table in front of them, while the dogs and cat lay curled up beside each other on the dogs bed in the corner of the living room. Once Harley and Sadie had realized it was Friend and not Food, Squirt had no problem settling down.

“What else have you been up to besides the whole cat thing?”

“Not much,” Jensen tells him, running a hand over the back of his neck. “Just… trying to figure some things out.”

“Oh?”

Jensen just nods, knows now isn’t the time to tell him, not quite ready to ruin the calm they have going or worse, to send Jared running from the apartment screaming. It’ll have to be soon, though. Because even if Laurel can’t find anything for him, Jensen is tired of hiding who he is.

“Yeah, just. Work stuff. Laurel’s been working really hard for me, so. Had a voice over job a few weeks back for Nickelodeon that went pretty well.”

“That’s great, man,” Jared tells him and he nods again. Jensen suddenly finds himself self-conscious about the amount of work he’s been getting. Here’s Jared, up and coming action hero and Jensen’s doing cartoons.

“I’ve been thinking about getting into directing,” he plays with a loose hem in his t-shirt so he can have something to focus on and ignore Jared. He doesn’t know how Jared will react to it.

“Seriously?” Jared lets out a long whistle at Jensen’s nod and tugs him across the couch into a brief hug. Jensen realizes it’s the first time they’ve touched since Jared came through the front door. “That’s fucking awesome, Jensen. Has she come up with anything yet?”

Jared lets him go but Jensen sticks close, having missed Jared’s warmth. He didn’t realize it before but he was nervous seeing Jared again, having him close enough to reach out and touch and not being sure if he was allowed to.

“Not yet, but, she assures me it’ll be soon.”

“You’ll find something,” Jared says, dimpling at him. “And you’ll be amazing.”

Jensen just shrugs, can feel the blush creeping up into his cheeks. He wants to believe that they’ll be able to get him a gig but he’s kind of given up on expecting it. It’s been a month, and there hasn’t been anything that Laurel could find that would take on an actor-turned-director with only one episode from a long canceled television show under his belt. He’s a risk, he knows it and Laurel knows it, and Jensen is pretty much convinced that she’s just being polite and letting him pretend.

Jared yawns loudly, breaking Jensen from his thoughts and grinning sheepishly at him. It’s pretty late and Jensen’s tired, too, having spent the whole day cleaning and angsting over Jared’s return. He snaps off the light and grabs Jared’s hand before pulling him down to the bedroom.

They get undressed quickly and climb under the covers, Jensen twisting his fingers lightly in Jared’s hair to drag him in for a kiss. When they pull apart Jared’s panting hard and Jensen’s cheeks are flushed with arousal.

“Good to be home,” Jared tells him and leans into kiss Jensen again.

It quickly turns heated and Jensen can feel Jared’s erection pressing into his hip. He slides his hand down warm skin that he’d missed so much to curl over the hard line in Jared’s boxers. Jared’s hips give an involuntary twitch and then Jared’s grabbing Jensen by the wrist to still his exploration.

“Mm, as much as I want to Jensen,” Jared says between kisses. “I’m really tired. Can we wait?” He chuckles a little, then, “Man I sound like a frigid housewife. ”

Jensen removes his hand and moves back to his side of the bed, nodding and apologizing.

“It’s not that I don’t want you,” Jared starts but Jensen shushes him before he starts babbling.

“It’s fine, Jay, I get it. Really.” He offers a small smile and he hopes it works as reassuring but there’s still apology in Jared’s eyes so he doesn’t think so. But Jared doesn’t press it, just nods and kisses him lightly again before saying goodnight.

And Jensen will think later that he probably should have fought harder.

\---

They’ve always been good together, Jensen thinks, he and Jared. They fit as co-stars and they became friends so fast Jensen didn’t know what to do with himself sometimes. And then Jensen had to go do something stupid like fall in love with Jared, but even that seemed to work too; the pining from afar while Jared lived his life normally and unconcerned with the war raging on in Jensen’s head. He dealt with it, and then when he couldn’t anymore he got Jared to love him back.

And maybe it’s because things had always worked it’s inevitable that they all fall apart.

“I told you I wasn’t ready, Jensen.” Jared’s redfaced and angry, breath coming in shallow bursts from yelling, from trying to stop himself from yelling.

“I know,” Jensen’s calm, sitting on the couch with his hands folded in his lap, looking up but fixed on a point just past Jared’s head so that he doesn’t have to look him in the eye, but can pretend to be. “I’m not expecting you to do this, I’m not asking you to do this.”

“So what,” Jared starts, settling his hands firmly on his hips as he glares down at Jensen. “You’re just going to come out and leave me behind?”

“No,” Jensen stands then, coming towards Jared but he stops dead in his tracks when Jared takes a step back. He shakes his head, now looking at Jared, “Of course not, we’ll still be together.”

Jared huffs a laugh, and the bitter-angry of it hits Jensen in the chest. “You’re kidding me, right, Jensen? You don’t think people are going to question us? Don’t you remember what it was like on Supernatural? All those fans who thought we were fucking then are going to feel justified and put us under a microscope. We won’t be able to even breathe in the same _state_ , let alone do anything together.”

Jensen stands there unable to think of a reply and then Jared is making a disgusted noise and pushing past him to the bedroom. Jensen snaps out of it, following behind him, panic running through him as Jared starts to pack.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going back to California early. I mean what’s the point in me sticking around, it’s not like you need my opinion on anything. You’re going to do whatever the hell you want.”

Jensen steps towards the bed and Jared stops what he’s doing to hold up a hand to pause Jensen in his trek.

“Come on, Jared, let’s just talk about this.”

“Oh, now you want to talk? I don’t think so, Jensen.”

Jensen laughs, which he knows is the wrong thing to do, but he can’t help it because his life is falling apart and what else do you do when that happens?

“We can work things out, Jared. People come out all the time, this isn’t a big deal anymore.”

“Maybe not for you,” Jared says zipping his duffel and tossing it over his shoulder before going back out into the living room where he hooks the dogs to their leashes. “I mean what have you got to lose anyway, huh? Your career has stalled, you’ve got what, ten minutes on some cartoon? Yeah, you‘ll have such a huge backlash from all this.”

Jensen fights the sting behind his eyes, and he doesn’t get angry because this is how Jared deals. He gets mean and lashes out and it cuts you quick, but he never means it.

“Come on, Jared, I’m beggin’ you man. _Please._ ”

\---

It’s been two years since Jensen has played Dean but he’s still there, just beneath the surface and sometimes Jensen brings him out, just to see if he still can. And Dean’s a little slower, a little older with far too many scars on his heart, but he’s got that cock-sure attitude that’ll never fade, that Jensen clings to.

When Jared leaves it’s Dean that stands there stoic while Jensen falls apart inside.


End file.
